The Rubble of our Sins

I'm honestly not sure what I can say about Pompeii that hasn't already been said, so I'm going to go ahead and start at the beginning.

When I was a little kid, not sure how old, I had a weird habit of becoming fixated on historical events that might be a little morbid for a kid less than 10 years old to be interested in. These events were mostly made famous, in some cases, infamous, because of their deaths. I was also very much a Mythology kid. Both of these of course resulted in my interest in Pompeii at an early age. I remember there was a solid week or so where I would watch and read whatever I could get my hands on related to Pompeii. This would be a reoccurring week.

So when I was given the opportunity to visit Pompeii when the Study Abroad Program to Italy was presented, I naturally went for it. The little kid in me was living a dream I couldn't even comprehend at that age and I was obtaining knowledge for my novels that I would not get by simply watching a documentary. Now the reason why Pompeii is a prime spot for my research is that it serves as inspiration for lore surrounded by an abandoned village that is believed to be cursed (which may or may not be true) and the third book of The Ravens trilogy finds a climax taking place in this location.

While I feel my novel has gotten stronger in terms of world building, the storytelling, and horror elements; I can honestly say I wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self of the gravity that is Pompeii.

Pompeii as a location was just as interesting and incredible as I hoped it would be. It was the marvel that I dreamed it would be. I didn't even think about how big Pompeii would be until I got there and realized how massive it was. Pompeii was and still is a beast that holds a plethora of knowledge, intrigue, and mystery. The buildings, art, statues, artifacts, jewelry, and roads were so beautiful and felt like an honor to be witnessing these. I enjoyed being in Pompeii and learning everything I could because despite the horror of the situation it's still a beautiful city.

With this all said, I don't plan on sugarcoating how I felt. Pompeii is a difficult place to be in. The minute I stepped in there felt like a cloud of dread just hovering over me. I was warned by my Aunt about the heaviness in Pompeii. She told me if I was anything like her, I would feel the weight of the tragedy. That I would feel the intensity of that comes from an entire city being killed in a single night. I knew that I would be like her in that regard, but I still wasn't expecting being on the verge of tears sporadically during my time.

There were plenty of instances where I would walk around and feel like that I shouldn't be there or that my presence was hindering those resting somehow (a fact that I'll be discussing in a post about Herculaneum). I got to a point where I took pictures but didn't exactly pay attention to what I was taking a picture of or took the same picture twice. Not sure where this came from, but I know in some cases I convinced myself I was missing details.

I believe I truly became undone when we went into the museum and got to look at the remains of humans and animals that lived in Pompeii. There was a moment where I was taking pictures, found the remains of two people and began apologizing profusely all while I burst into tears. The bodies of the people and animals were too much to handle at times and I felt like those who have died that day in 79 AD weren't truly at peace and resting. On their bodies that were covered in ashes, you could find their bones or parts of their skull that were visible. In addition the position in which these people died (holding their mouth trying to breathe or reacting to the debris and ash) and the absolute heartbreaking Il cane, which is the remains of a dog on it's back seemingly writhing in pain. The pain in the Pompeii was thick and undeniably felt by not only myself but by my other classmates.

Regardless of how emotionally taxing this visit to Pompeii was, I don't regret attending for even a moment and easily becoming one of my most cherished moments. Pompeii is still a very famous moment in history and one of the most well known natural disasters from a volcano that is still active to this very day. The pain of this place adds to the rich history and expands on the beauty behind the things we have found in the wake of Vesusvis erupting in 79. AD. However like all pain, it demands to be felt for a reason and those reasons come in time.